Faux No

Today, I pay it forward! In this entry, I chronicle three of my least favorite fashion faux pas.

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Unnecessary Step-and-Repeats: Who are these girls and why are they posing in front of a step-and-repeat?  I shit you not, these girls—otherwise known as Who, What, Huh, Why, Um, and C’mon—are at Leilah Fuller’s $2,000 Bat Mitvah.  Lately, I’ve seen a barrage of Facebook profile pictures taken in front of unnecessary step-and-repeats.   Unnecessary step-and-repeats suck all the fun out of REAL step-and-repeats.  If you’re wearing shiny purple hose (see Who above), you don’t belong on a step-and-repeat.  Newsflash: If more than two of the photographers are using an iPhone to take your picture, it’s not a real step-and-repeat.  I don’t give a fuck what Leilah Fuller’s mother says.

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Chest Plate Tattoos: When it comes to a tattoo, placement is half the battle.  Chest tattoos on men are even worse than tramp stamps on women.  The only thing that could have made the above tattoo shittier is if the guy would have asked for and received a tattoo that said, “Chase YOU’RE dreams.”  I would rather live with a full-on, Mike Tyson face tattoo than have some cliché, bumper sticker phrase scribbled across my impossibly delicious pecs.

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Toe Shoes: Each time I see a pair of toe shoes, I feel like I need to take a scalding hot shower.  I don’t care if these monstrosities make you FEEL like you’re running on clouds and cotton candy, because they make you LOOK like Temple Grandin.  Toe shoes!? Penis underwear, I understand, but TOE SHOES?

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